Parenthood is a wonderful and unique experience. Every parent wants to enjoy a close
relationship with his child. Despite the busy schedule of most working parents,
it is not difficult to achieve this once you know how.
Here are some tips to follow: The 7Ps To Getting Closer to Your Child
1. Parent-child communication
Instead of talking at or about your child, talk with your child. Bring yourself
to his level. If you want to understand what your child is thinking or feeling,
ask him and listen. Do not pass judgement on what he tells you. Acknowledge his
ideas and feelings even if you disagree with him. You can also share with your child
your opinions and feelings.
In addition, you need to constantly reassure your child of your love for him through
verbal expressions such as "I love you" and non-verbal gestures like a kiss, hug
or a pat on the shoulder.
2. Praise your child
Praise your child when he does something well or achieves good results. Praise him
for improvements made or for behaviours that you want to see again. Your praises
must be sincere and do not include criticisms in them. Use them to describe to your
child what you like about his work or behaviour. Instead of just saying "nice drawing",
you may say, "I like the colours that you used in this painting. They make your
painting really outstanding!" Instead of just saying "Good girl", you may say, "I
am happy that you have tidied up your room. It looks very neat."
3. Put aside time for your child
Put aside time for your child everyday. When you are with your child, be completely
involved. Put aside your household chores, newspapers or worries during this time.
Letting your child know that you enjoy being with him will definitely draw both
of you closer. Make other arrangements if you are unable to spend time with him
for that particular day. For example, call him from work for a five-minute chat
to show that you are thinking of him. Or if you are unable to have dinner together,
have dessert together later in the night.
Once in a while, take an entire day or half day off from your busy schedule and
do something special with your child. Choose something that both you and your child
will enjoy and which is not an everyday activity. For example, taking a walk in
the nature reserve and having lunch that both of you had prepared in the morning.
4. Play with your child
The time you spend with your child gives you the opportunity to build a positive
and healthy relationship with him. This relationship will develop as your child
matures. Playing with your child does not necessarily require expensive toys. You
can think of childhood games that you enjoyed and teach your child how to play them.
5. Pay attention to your child's feelings
The experiences that your child has everyday generate a whole range of feelings
in him. He could be happy because he was praised by his teacher or upset because
he just had a quarrel with his close friend. Find out what is happening to your
child and pay attention to his feelings, positive and negative, towards these experiences.
Listen to your child and talk to him about his feelings. For example, you may say,
"From what you've told me, it sounds like you're angry with John for talking behind
your back." Give him a chance to clarify his feelings. By paying attention to and
talking about his feelings, you are sending messages to your child that you really
want to understand him.
6. Foster your child's independence
Many parents try to get closer to their child by holding on too tightly. Give your
child the freedom to explore the world in a manner appropriate for their age. For
example, a young child could be allowed to go to the park with his friend, under
supervision. By giving your child due freedom and providing security at home, you
are bridging the gap between you and your child.
7. Solve problems with your child
When your child encounters problems, you need not provide the solution all the time,
telling him what he should do. Neither do you want to leave him to deal with the
problem by himself. Be your child's partner in problem-solving. Listen and understand
the situation. Next, find out how your child thinks or feels about it and what he
can do. Provide other options if you can. Help your child think of possible consequences
to each option. Together, you and your child can then decide on the best solution.
Solving problems with your child not only teaches him an important life skill, it
also develops a strong bond between you and your child as both of you conquer each
problem together.
Source: Singapore Ministry of Community Development, Youth & Sports (1997).
This article is provided by KK Hospital - Singapore’s leading Women and Children’s
Hospital. Please visit www.kkh.com.sg for more information.
